50. Over My Head

Tuesday, November 6, 2007
maybe I should hae never gotten romantically involved with Kevin. Now I'm deathly afraid that one of us is going to hurt the other. I'm scared of the depression that one of us will suffer. Heh, Joy Division was right. "love, love will tear us apart again." And I see it starting...maybe I'm better off dead, so Kevin will have the balls to leave me. And yes, that is STILL on my mind, after Kara came in Lava Landing looking for him and then walking out when she saw that he wasn't there; that bugged the fuck out of me. What are other girls doing wondering where he is. I know I sound fucking irrational, but I am losing my fucking mind. I think that I've gotten in over my head, completely misread, well I'm better off dead. Death would be easy now. I'm so paranoid that it makes me sick.