42. Hey Jealousy!

Thursday, November 1, 2007
As my paranoia flares up again, I feel my jealousy growing dangerously close to being out of control. I really cannot stand seeing other girls around Kevin. I know this is unfair; I mean, I hang out with a bunch of guys, one of whom likes me. yet Kevin trusts me and is okay with it. Why can I not be okay with it? Why do I have freakouts or fits when I see him talking to, sitting with or even just around another girl. Like Cara, for instance. They're fairly good friends, and they hangout and talk regularly, but goddamn I hate it. I like Cara, but I hate seeing her around him. Yes, I do feel she is a threat, regardless of whether or not she likes him like that. I just get scared really easily. Another one, Monique, who already gained favor with two of the guys that I used to like, far more quickly than I did. Tomasu and Kena. Both of which probably liked here more than they like me, even non-romantically. Heh, I don't even see Kena aroudn anymore. Not like it makes much of a difference, really. I mean, whenever Monique was around, I didn't exist to Kena anyway. I guess I just know that these girls are better than I'll ever be. I mean Cara is now a good female friend in Kevin's life. The reason why I got him in the first place was because I used to be the only one. But not anymore. I sense my downfall.