Tuesday, October 9, 2007
these words
fall out of my voice
like rain from clouds
to fall upon your fragile frame
to break you
to hate you
to save you
As you never did for me
and as my spiked syllables
pierce your delicate skin
to repent your sins against my kind
and I'll attack with my violent verbs
my weapons made from my words
my acid will burn away your hiding place
and my cutting consonants will ruin your pretty face
there'll be no where for you to go
to hide or run away
Saturday, November 22, 2008
18. Anthems of a Seventeen Year Old Girl
Friday, October 5, 2007
Finally, the song that I've enjoyed for two years now fits my age. And oddly enough, at this age of seventeen, I now feel like I understand and can relate to things song. After watching my friend's amateur movie in which this song was the most memorable, I became fascinated with this song. Theon was my influence and my hero when this song played. I was artistic and abstract and at peace; everything fell into place. For those four minutes, I could see the past play before my eyes and I could see the future unfold. I was happy. Theon was filming, we were all growing up and out. Finally, I could really feel the song.I could speak those words and really understand for once. And it all came together at once. It wasn't about the words of Broken Social Scene, nor was it about me. It was about all of us and everything around us. We were all there and alove. We were
now you're all gone, got your makeup on and you're not coming back
Finally, the song that I've enjoyed for two years now fits my age. And oddly enough, at this age of seventeen, I now feel like I understand and can relate to things song. After watching my friend's amateur movie in which this song was the most memorable, I became fascinated with this song. Theon was my influence and my hero when this song played. I was artistic and abstract and at peace; everything fell into place. For those four minutes, I could see the past play before my eyes and I could see the future unfold. I was happy. Theon was filming, we were all growing up and out. Finally, I could really feel the song.I could speak those words and really understand for once. And it all came together at once. It wasn't about the words of Broken Social Scene, nor was it about me. It was about all of us and everything around us. We were all there and alove. We were
now you're all gone, got your makeup on and you're not coming back
17. Mike
Friday, October 5, 2007
You know, perhaps it was a mistake to even talk to you. Maybe I shouldn't have bothered. I just thought that you were amusing. I thought that you could be friends with me. But fine, ignore me. Forget me. Erase every word I spoke to you. Please just leave me alone, because I don't want your bitter reminders and I don't want to see you with, around, talking to, or looking at her. Please just leave me alone. You don' have to be nice, or even to notice me at all. I guess that I'm not as cool as you said I was if I'm not even worth your time and attention. I'm not even worth it at all. I guess I'm nothing much to you, because I'm young. Because I'm a boring and violent and irritating. I'm just a useless bother. Maybe its better that you don't come around. I'd ignore your presence anyway.
You know, perhaps it was a mistake to even talk to you. Maybe I shouldn't have bothered. I just thought that you were amusing. I thought that you could be friends with me. But fine, ignore me. Forget me. Erase every word I spoke to you. Please just leave me alone, because I don't want your bitter reminders and I don't want to see you with, around, talking to, or looking at her. Please just leave me alone. You don' have to be nice, or even to notice me at all. I guess that I'm not as cool as you said I was if I'm not even worth your time and attention. I'm not even worth it at all. I guess I'm nothing much to you, because I'm young. Because I'm a boring and violent and irritating. I'm just a useless bother. Maybe its better that you don't come around. I'd ignore your presence anyway.
16. Regression and Breaking
Thursday, October 4, 2007
I hate how you make me feel somethings, not because I feel so high schoolish, but because you're not supposed to, I'm not supposed to feel for you at all, and yet I do. I have walked away from other friends to sit next to you. I go out of my way to talk to you, and I'd always try to hug you. I just wanted to be close to you. I burned my bridges for you. I took your side. I defended you. But all for naught. Because I don't get those "happy to see you" smiles. I don't hear the happiness in your voice when I'm around. I don't get the "it's so nice to feel you" hugs. I get nothing from you. Not even the few weords that you give to everyone else. But that's okay. I know that I don't mean much to you. I know that you really don't give a fuck about me. I get it, and I got it before. I wish I could have figured it out earlier, but you know what? I'm okay. f you refuse to leave me a place in your life, then I refuse to give you one in mine. If you don't want to give me a damn minute of your time, or even a real sentence, then I won't gve you anything either. I don't need to mean anything to you, because you're already nothing to me.
I hate how you make me feel somethings, not because I feel so high schoolish, but because you're not supposed to, I'm not supposed to feel for you at all, and yet I do. I have walked away from other friends to sit next to you. I go out of my way to talk to you, and I'd always try to hug you. I just wanted to be close to you. I burned my bridges for you. I took your side. I defended you. But all for naught. Because I don't get those "happy to see you" smiles. I don't hear the happiness in your voice when I'm around. I don't get the "it's so nice to feel you" hugs. I get nothing from you. Not even the few weords that you give to everyone else. But that's okay. I know that I don't mean much to you. I know that you really don't give a fuck about me. I get it, and I got it before. I wish I could have figured it out earlier, but you know what? I'm okay. f you refuse to leave me a place in your life, then I refuse to give you one in mine. If you don't want to give me a damn minute of your time, or even a real sentence, then I won't gve you anything either. I don't need to mean anything to you, because you're already nothing to me.
15. Acadec - winning states, Pang Long and USDA
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Moment of truth; the winner if the Hawaii state ACADEC CHAMPS were about to be announced. We had lost for the past two years and we sure as hell didn't want to lose this year. For us four seniors, this was our last chance. We all were nervous - what if after all of our medals, our obsessive listening to Chinese music and adoration of Pang Long; what if we lost? Nellie would kill us. Hell, he would execute us. Okay, they're saying who won...and we finally made it! Jump forward to April 23rd. We're getting on the plane for a week of studying Chinese curriculum and other stuff that I will never again need to remember. From Chen Lin to Peark S. Buck, from Chieng Hsieh to John Cage, we had to know it all. After months and months of obsessing over the music CD and how Pang Long looks like Kim Jyoung-Il, we finally had to prove ourselves. Over three days, we competed in ten subjects and got a few hours of sleep. After the last day of tests, we finally got to talk to other people; we were able to be SOCIAL! Something that was uncalled for in acadec. We watched other teams get awards and we even got Rookie of the Year! We finally accomplished something.
Moment of truth; the winner if the Hawaii state ACADEC CHAMPS were about to be announced. We had lost for the past two years and we sure as hell didn't want to lose this year. For us four seniors, this was our last chance. We all were nervous - what if after all of our medals, our obsessive listening to Chinese music and adoration of Pang Long; what if we lost? Nellie would kill us. Hell, he would execute us. Okay, they're saying who won...and we finally made it! Jump forward to April 23rd. We're getting on the plane for a week of studying Chinese curriculum and other stuff that I will never again need to remember. From Chen Lin to Peark S. Buck, from Chieng Hsieh to John Cage, we had to know it all. After months and months of obsessing over the music CD and how Pang Long looks like Kim Jyoung-Il, we finally had to prove ourselves. Over three days, we competed in ten subjects and got a few hours of sleep. After the last day of tests, we finally got to talk to other people; we were able to be SOCIAL! Something that was uncalled for in acadec. We watched other teams get awards and we even got Rookie of the Year! We finally accomplished something.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
14. Acadec - people
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
-Mr. Nelson AKA Nellie, the coach. Sarcasm, humor, trust, understanding, intellect, expectations, sith.
-Brian AKA Fucking Fijian, the assistant coach. Gay, comfort, experience, knowledge, fun, relate, though, smile, punch kick.
-Lauren AKA Gold Medal, top honors. Resource, good-nature, scorer, music master, the best there ever was.
-Anya AKA Sunshine, team leader. With, sharp, laughter, fly, double A, hero, math and science, skillz.
-Keoni AKA TI-CORREA, the prodigy, new kid, natural, genius, quiet, innocent, evil, protege, next LC.
-Becky AKA Schecky, the other Aca-Dorkatore. Scholastic, WITH THEIR EYES, market? handMOSH!
-Jeff AKA Ricercar, the 0. always there, never there, skip, HUG, DON'T AKIMSEU IT! missed
-Rowena Ahia AKA Ro the Ho, the goth doll. HardXcore, sexual, crazy, fall child, Chem Whore, whatnot lover.
-Steven AKA The only Hawaiian, the guitarist. Claudio! wtf?econ? poser-gay, NO BUNTA
-Kapena AKA Kapenis, the big head. black, when a man loves a woman... lemur femur
-Shea AKA B.L.Zebub, the only and only. The bird which I love, so much! OH GALILEO!
-Kyle AKA Vars #1, the one month wonder. can soda, stalemate SUCKS, gold medal, baby. Jeff beater.
-Mr. Nelson AKA Nellie, the coach. Sarcasm, humor, trust, understanding, intellect, expectations, sith.
-Brian AKA Fucking Fijian, the assistant coach. Gay, comfort, experience, knowledge, fun, relate, though, smile, punch kick.
-Lauren AKA Gold Medal, top honors. Resource, good-nature, scorer, music master, the best there ever was.
-Anya AKA Sunshine, team leader. With, sharp, laughter, fly, double A, hero, math and science, skillz.
-Keoni AKA TI-CORREA, the prodigy, new kid, natural, genius, quiet, innocent, evil, protege, next LC.
-Becky AKA Schecky, the other Aca-Dorkatore. Scholastic, WITH THEIR EYES, market? handMOSH!
-Jeff AKA Ricercar, the 0. always there, never there, skip, HUG, DON'T AKIMSEU IT! missed
-Rowena Ahia AKA Ro the Ho, the goth doll. HardXcore, sexual, crazy, fall child, Chem Whore, whatnot lover.
-Steven AKA The only Hawaiian, the guitarist. Claudio! wtf?econ? poser-gay, NO BUNTA
-Kapena AKA Kapenis, the big head. black, when a man loves a woman... lemur femur
-Shea AKA B.L.Zebub, the only and only. The bird which I love, so much! OH GALILEO!
-Kyle AKA Vars #1, the one month wonder. can soda, stalemate SUCKS, gold medal, baby. Jeff beater.
13. -the senses- sight
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
-Look
at me
past me
beyond
-to the sky
-at the stars
-into the ocean
-into the looking glass
-into the glass onion
-at yourself
-See
-yourself
-thru me
-red again
-saw
-me
-you
-through the lies
-thru
-the lines
-the sights
-the truth
-Look
at me
past me
beyond
-to the sky
-at the stars
-into the ocean
-into the looking glass
-into the glass onion
-at yourself
-See
-yourself
-thru me
-red again
-saw
-me
-you
-through the lies
-thru
-the lines
-the sights
-the truth
12. Three Words
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
on each line
show my intent
and my malcontent
my disappointed truth
betrayal of youth
your honest lies
and your eyes
your crooked smile
your own style
stay a while
please please please
let me be
let me see
you should see
how I feel
I wish you
could do something
more for me
just for me
want a part
want to matter
to mean something
anything for you
just for you
and only you
on each line
show my intent
and my malcontent
my disappointed truth
betrayal of youth
your honest lies
and your eyes
your crooked smile
your own style
stay a while
please please please
let me be
let me see
you should see
how I feel
I wish you
could do something
more for me
just for me
want a part
want to matter
to mean something
anything for you
just for you
and only you
11. Criteria - Best Airlines
- low accident rate/safety
- price
- comfort
- quality of in-flight nourishment/service
- member benefits
- flight availability/reliability
10. Kena
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Something about you has caught my eye
and, something about you makes me sigh
something about you lets me have fun
and something about you tells me you're the one
for me
your smile, has caught my attention
has caught my affection
and caused my adoration for you
your laugh has made me feel
and made me really insane
now my day's not the same
Something about you has caught my eye
and, something about you makes me sigh
something about you lets me have fun
and something about you tells me you're the one
for me
your smile, has caught my attention
has caught my affection
and caused my adoration for you
your laugh has made me feel
and made me really insane
now my day's not the same
9. Senioritis and the 12th Grade Blues (and Whites)
Monday, September 17, 2007
I find as I go through the predictability of college life, I notice how things are different, yet exactly the same. All the classes are the same, boring and unbearable. Most of the people are the same too. The only real difference is that uniforms aren't required. My life is more or less the same. Yet, I miss high school. I miss Pd. 2 theatre performance and following Mr. Stack around. I miss going to Mr. Hoff's and just hanging out and listening to Hendrix. I miss sitting in our corner and singing along to Coheed and Cambria. I just miss high school. The people, the food, the times. I miss seeing Austin Tomasu carrying around ketchup in his backpack. I miss dancing around with Sabrina and singing with Steven. I miss amanda and Napela and their hugs. But most of all, I miss that feeling; the feeling that you get when you're laughing about how you forgot to do your homework, or how you failed a test. Sure, it sucks, but you had people in the same situation; you had people who cared and understood. And for a moment, we forgot that we were a day closer to graduating. We were just...there.
And it was all okay.
I find as I go through the predictability of college life, I notice how things are different, yet exactly the same. All the classes are the same, boring and unbearable. Most of the people are the same too. The only real difference is that uniforms aren't required. My life is more or less the same. Yet, I miss high school. I miss Pd. 2 theatre performance and following Mr. Stack around. I miss going to Mr. Hoff's and just hanging out and listening to Hendrix. I miss sitting in our corner and singing along to Coheed and Cambria. I just miss high school. The people, the food, the times. I miss seeing Austin Tomasu carrying around ketchup in his backpack. I miss dancing around with Sabrina and singing with Steven. I miss amanda and Napela and their hugs. But most of all, I miss that feeling; the feeling that you get when you're laughing about how you forgot to do your homework, or how you failed a test. Sure, it sucks, but you had people in the same situation; you had people who cared and understood. And for a moment, we forgot that we were a day closer to graduating. We were just...there.
And it was all okay.
8. Hi Skul Hell-o
Monday, September 17, 2007
When I first got accepted to Kamehameha, I was proud, yet disappointed. I took the tests and went to the interview on my mother's interests. I did try damn hard, and I wanted to do well because I don't like to fail. I was proud to have been accepted, but I really didn't want to go. I tried to tell my mother this, but its not like my wishes matter anyway. So for four years of my life, I was angry and depressed. All of my friends were going to Hilo, where I went to Kamehameha. And what was my mother expecting me to do? She wanted me to give up all of my friends to go to a school that she knew I would hate, resent and regret. I spent four years missing my friends and generally, being EMO. I missed seeing my best friends, I missed the classes and the teachers and I just missed being able to wake up at 7:00AM to go to school.
I missed everything.
When I first got accepted to Kamehameha, I was proud, yet disappointed. I took the tests and went to the interview on my mother's interests. I did try damn hard, and I wanted to do well because I don't like to fail. I was proud to have been accepted, but I really didn't want to go. I tried to tell my mother this, but its not like my wishes matter anyway. So for four years of my life, I was angry and depressed. All of my friends were going to Hilo, where I went to Kamehameha. And what was my mother expecting me to do? She wanted me to give up all of my friends to go to a school that she knew I would hate, resent and regret. I spent four years missing my friends and generally, being EMO. I missed seeing my best friends, I missed the classes and the teachers and I just missed being able to wake up at 7:00AM to go to school.
I missed everything.
7. Uh, Hilo
Monday, September 17, 2007
College life is, well, interesting, to say the least. While I see quite a few familiar faces, I also have lost touch with people who are just right across campus. I talk to people differently, for one. I also don't talk to or hang out with people like I used to. My days are more or less all the same. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I go to Japanese, then hang out with Negi. After that, I go to Sociology, and then I go to the campus center to talk with Tyler, Keith and Kevin and eat lunch. I wait with Tyler until he goes home, then I go to English. After, I go home. Tuesdays and Thursdays are the same with different classes. I get to see friends that I hadn't seen at all since eighth grade. However, I now notice that I'm running out of things to say and things to do. Every day is nearly exactly the same. College life is, well, boring to say it all.
College life is, well, interesting, to say the least. While I see quite a few familiar faces, I also have lost touch with people who are just right across campus. I talk to people differently, for one. I also don't talk to or hang out with people like I used to. My days are more or less all the same. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I go to Japanese, then hang out with Negi. After that, I go to Sociology, and then I go to the campus center to talk with Tyler, Keith and Kevin and eat lunch. I wait with Tyler until he goes home, then I go to English. After, I go home. Tuesdays and Thursdays are the same with different classes. I get to see friends that I hadn't seen at all since eighth grade. However, I now notice that I'm running out of things to say and things to do. Every day is nearly exactly the same. College life is, well, boring to say it all.
6. Lavender's Lament (Oh, Won-Won!)
oh Won-won, my sweetheart
I miss you, I kiss you
I miss holding your hand
And I see the way you look at Hermione
But I remembered when you consoled me, after the death of Binky
Trelawney was right, I should've watched out for you
Before you caught my eye, when I fell for you
I should've been careful of Ron Weasley
But I couldn't resist your prefectness
and how you are not the best
But you always meant something to me
I always thought you were the cutest boy in our year
and I always tried to get near you
And I wish that you could've cared about me
like how you care about Hermione
I miss you, I kiss you
I miss holding your hand
And I see the way you look at Hermione
But I remembered when you consoled me, after the death of Binky
Trelawney was right, I should've watched out for you
Before you caught my eye, when I fell for you
I should've been careful of Ron Weasley
But I couldn't resist your prefectness
and how you are not the best
But you always meant something to me
I always thought you were the cutest boy in our year
and I always tried to get near you
And I wish that you could've cared about me
like how you care about Hermione
5. Green Eyes
Always through your eyes
The perfect shape and size
brave and wise
knows nothing of my lies
You're lovely and I love you
don't you know it
can't you see me
through those Green Eyes
You know, you're perfect and
I'd do anything for you
And I'd believe anything I see
in your Green Eyes
Please believe me when I say I'm sorry
I never meant to call you what I did
You know I need you, you're my best friend
Please don't leave me, we've been together since we were kids
I'd give anything to save you from your horrible fate
And I wish that I could become someone you wouldn't hate
I just wish that I counds see your glowing green eyes once again
I still see them in my head
The perfect shape and size
brave and wise
knows nothing of my lies
You're lovely and I love you
don't you know it
can't you see me
through those Green Eyes
You know, you're perfect and
I'd do anything for you
And I'd believe anything I see
in your Green Eyes
Please believe me when I say I'm sorry
I never meant to call you what I did
You know I need you, you're my best friend
Please don't leave me, we've been together since we were kids
I'd give anything to save you from your horrible fate
And I wish that I could become someone you wouldn't hate
I just wish that I counds see your glowing green eyes once again
I still see them in my head
4. A.K.A
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
I'm repeating the cycle again, but only this time it's a new feeling. Instead of the heartbreak and pain, I now feel disappointment. I don't have any respect left for you, dear husband. None at all. Oh, and I like how your newest fascination notices me more than you. But then again, you wouldn't care, would you? At least, not while you're sober. Don't talk to me, email, message or type. Delte me from you life as easily as you deleted my messages.
...Don't speak my name, don't think of me, forget I ever existed; Don't remember me, I've forgotten you.
-I don't want you anymore
and I'm tired of being such a whore
You won't fuck around with me again
And I won't let you get into my head
I don't want you
don't need you
I don't want to see you ever again
I can't stand you
can't understand you
I can't ever feel anything for you
No, I'll never fall in love with you
never again
I'm repeating the cycle again, but only this time it's a new feeling. Instead of the heartbreak and pain, I now feel disappointment. I don't have any respect left for you, dear husband. None at all. Oh, and I like how your newest fascination notices me more than you. But then again, you wouldn't care, would you? At least, not while you're sober. Don't talk to me, email, message or type. Delte me from you life as easily as you deleted my messages.
...Don't speak my name, don't think of me, forget I ever existed; Don't remember me, I've forgotten you.
-I don't want you anymore
and I'm tired of being such a whore
You won't fuck around with me again
And I won't let you get into my head
I don't want you
don't need you
I don't want to see you ever again
I can't stand you
can't understand you
I can't ever feel anything for you
No, I'll never fall in love with you
never again
3. Post it-Note
Monday, August 27, 2007
As a writer of sad stories, pathetic poetry and boring blogs, I'd like to think that I know what it's like to "write it all goddamn down." From the most mundane memories to the epic encounters, I like to keep accounts of the things that go on in my life. The importance of this is not only for nostalgic purposes, but for historical as well; not only for the writer, but for the reader. Of course, books are one of the most common ways that people read. From autobiographies to the wizarding world of Harry Potter, people read books. however, books are not the only way people choose to read. From sites like fanfiction.com, poetry.com, deviantart.com and the like, people can read stories and poetry created by people around the world. Sites like logger.com, livejournal.com, xanga.com, and myspace.com allow users to put blog entries about everything from celebrity meetings to what color shirt you are wearing. While it may not mean a lot now, when you look back on it, writing everything down allows you to keep a memory of even the smallest details of yor life.
As a writer of sad stories, pathetic poetry and boring blogs, I'd like to think that I know what it's like to "write it all goddamn down." From the most mundane memories to the epic encounters, I like to keep accounts of the things that go on in my life. The importance of this is not only for nostalgic purposes, but for historical as well; not only for the writer, but for the reader. Of course, books are one of the most common ways that people read. From autobiographies to the wizarding world of Harry Potter, people read books. however, books are not the only way people choose to read. From sites like fanfiction.com, poetry.com, deviantart.com and the like, people can read stories and poetry created by people around the world. Sites like logger.com, livejournal.com, xanga.com, and myspace.com allow users to put blog entries about everything from celebrity meetings to what color shirt you are wearing. While it may not mean a lot now, when you look back on it, writing everything down allows you to keep a memory of even the smallest details of yor life.
2. HPObsess
Friday, August 24, 2007
Saturday, July 22nd, 2007, at 1:37 in the morning was when my life came to an end. With the reading of the last sentence, "all was well," I closed my book and I already felt that all was not well. Since the age of nine, I have waited for my letter from Hogwarts, and now, at age seventeen, I should be finishing my final year. And yet, here I am, in the town of Hilo, far away from The Burrow and Diagon Alley. After eight years of devotion to this boy, my life is finally over.
Saturday, July 22nd, 2007, at 1:37 in the morning was when my life came to an end. With the reading of the last sentence, "all was well," I closed my book and I already felt that all was not well. Since the age of nine, I have waited for my letter from Hogwarts, and now, at age seventeen, I should be finishing my final year. And yet, here I am, in the town of Hilo, far away from The Burrow and Diagon Alley. After eight years of devotion to this boy, my life is finally over.
1. Five-Teenaged
Friday, August 24, 2007
At the age of fifteen, I couldn't write, well, at least not WELL. Sure, I could THINK of lots to write about, but did it MEAN anything? No. No it did not. I was in no fit state to write. In one year, from the day before I turned fifteen until the day after age sixteen, I had three-and-a-half boyfriends and was either blissfully infatuated or bitterly heartbroken. Every piece of writing that I created that year was either about the "love" that I believed that I had, or the pain that I thought I felt. While I felt that my heart, or what was left of it was in pieces, I wrote mediocre pieces of poetry and short stories, both about love, failure and eventually death. I likened myself to a teenaged Bright Eyes, or a female Kurt Cobain. Recently, I re-read my poetry from that "era" and I can't believe how whiny they are. Most of them are ridiculously horrid and yet, at that time, I was proud to call them my own. Now, I may still love the same songs, and wear the same clothers, I know that my writings, as well as all the writing skills I had have improved, if not completely changed.
At the age of fifteen, I couldn't write, well, at least not WELL. Sure, I could THINK of lots to write about, but did it MEAN anything? No. No it did not. I was in no fit state to write. In one year, from the day before I turned fifteen until the day after age sixteen, I had three-and-a-half boyfriends and was either blissfully infatuated or bitterly heartbroken. Every piece of writing that I created that year was either about the "love" that I believed that I had, or the pain that I thought I felt. While I felt that my heart, or what was left of it was in pieces, I wrote mediocre pieces of poetry and short stories, both about love, failure and eventually death. I likened myself to a teenaged Bright Eyes, or a female Kurt Cobain. Recently, I re-read my poetry from that "era" and I can't believe how whiny they are. Most of them are ridiculously horrid and yet, at that time, I was proud to call them my own. Now, I may still love the same songs, and wear the same clothers, I know that my writings, as well as all the writing skills I had have improved, if not completely changed.
0. A Note
This was originally started for ENG100, and just grew into a random journal that I would write in when I was bored. Not like it really matters; I will, most likely, be the only person to ever actually read this.
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