41. On the Outs

Thursday, November 1, 2007
I feel sort of left out-ish. Except that's not the exact word that describes it. I looked around Lava Landing today and I noticed that I was the only one alone. Everyone else had their groups. I felt awkward. I got the fuck out of there. For serious. I was sorta like "okay, fuck this. I'm not going to sit in a corner by myself and listen to my zune and have Ash sit next to me and talk out of pity." I am tired of people feeling bad for me; I don't deserve the pity. I don't really deserve anything frankly. I guess I'm having my depressive period/era again. This always happens after the first few months at a new school. Damnit, my emo hair is making me emo. I guess I feel stereotypically depressed. I want to be alone all the time. I want to push them all away. I don't want to see anyone. I don't know why, but I guess that it's just getting to me. Maybe I wanted it to, so I'm over thinking everything. I don't know. I just know that I feel out of place and alone. Even around Kevin.