93. To KYM, I am Sorry

Tuesday, June 17, 2008
and I am writing in pink for you. I promised you forever and I couldn't give it to you. And I know that this was my own fault. I said that I loved you because I didn't want Matt anymore and I dreamt about you once. We don't have much in common and you were too scared...though I don't want it to sound like you are to blame. I was the one who said that I would love you forever, but when I stopped loving you like that, I realized that all the words that could be said were already used. After two years, I was done. I couldn't feign interest anymore and I am sorry. We both grew in different directions and we barely even saw each other anymore, though...I can't pretend that I didn't see that things were coming to a close already. It was no fault of yours, though. It was all my fault, but I couldn't help it...I didn't mean to start liking Eric; I didn't mean for Ash to tell me that he loved me, and I didn't mean to like them more than you. But that doesn't make it any better. Fuck, I'm even sorry that I didn't try to hide it and that I said that maybe one day we could get back together. I don't think that we ever will be again...I just hope that you don't hate me...I still think of you as a friend.